Moving Day

Dear Desissified readers, this is my last post here as I'm up and leaving for my brand spanking new site refriedscreens.com. It's easier to remember (rhymes with refried beans) and spell than desissified.blogspot.com and there isn't as much typing for you, so the new url will stave off carpal tunnel for a good year or two! See how much I care about you guys?

Since I mash up pop culture and give it some flavor, I think the title fits. Originally, desissified was going to be about the sissifying effect cease and desist letters have on folks. Oh, the ignorance of youth...

There's a link to refriedscreens.com here. The first story makes a plea for Jeff Bridges AKA "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski to get an Oscar for his upcoming performance as the big bad in the upcoming Iron Man movie.

What's that you said? 'I didn't see it, so how could I know it'll be Oscar worthy?'

Check out my Top 5 List of How Un-Dude the character he's playing is, and you'll not only like the kool aid I'm drinking, you'll ask for the recipe!

How Do You Serve 'Racist Egg'?

DC Comics has reinterpreted our favorite Communist instrument of terror, Egg Fu, for the 21st Century. They gave him a shave and a language coach.

Old Fu:New Fu:
After checking out the changes, I realized Egg Fu's true calling:

A featured ingredient on a reality cooking show.

On Top Chef, they'd probably make him into 'egg yolk and sea urchin roe with vermicelli'.

On Hell's Kitchen, they'd probably under cook poor Egg Fu and Chef Ramsay would have no choice but to throw him out, cursing all the way.

On Iron Chef, Chairman Kaga would challenge the contestants to break the shell which normally confines their thinking.

I don't think any of the Egg Fu dishes would go over well with the judges. I hear he has a weird aftertaste, which is why you can't get racial stereotype eggs at your local grocer.

Best.Sign.Ever

Find it here.

Almost as good as the family safe 300 trailer:


BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

Celebrity Clone War

There's a woman who looks just like Angelina Jolie. Except she doesn't have the phat crib, ginormous bank account or hot hubby. As much as it sucks to be her, imagine how sweet her boyfriend has it!



You can also find it here.

And then there is the Paris Hilton clone.



You can find the clone here.

Although Paris is abandoning stupidity, will her clone? And if America hankers for their old stupid Paris, will it pick the clone instead of Paris Hilton?

This all seems like Jennifer Lopez in South Park. She of the 'Taco Flavored Kisses'. The music execs preferred a singing hand named Jennifer Lopez, who was younger and spicier than the original J. Lo. Even Ben Affleck preferred the hand over J.Lo.



Will history repeat itself?

Who Was Really Behind The Harry Potter Spoilers?

Some dude claims that he hacked a digital copy of author J.K. Rowling's seventh and final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He posts the spoilers here.

The reason?

"By following the precious words of the great Pope Benedict XVI when he still was Cardinal Josepth Ratzinger. He explained why Harry Potter bring the youngs of our earth to Neo Paganism faith. So we make this spoiler to make reading of the upcoming book useless and boring."

I remember the good old days. People who wanted to protest would picket movie theaters or simply burn books. Nobody got hurt and, hey, it made for a good show. But now, the protest has gone online...

And it's scary. Scary boring.

I don't think it's the Pope who is behind this...it's Universal Pictures.

Why?

What better way to guarantee the #1 box office slot for Evan Almighty than making Christians feel guilty about watching non-Christian entertainment like early Oscar contender Fantastic Four:Rise of the Silver Surfer or a masterpiece like John Cusak's 1408, which coincidentally opens the same day as Bruce Almighty and features the supernatural?

Defamer cites a LA Times story revealing the efforts of the studio to court Christians for the movie.

There is one person who can stop this madness...


Paris Hilton, I call on you and your new found faith to come forth from prison and strike down these abominations! It's your calling! Didn't I tell you she had a purpose? Read here if you plumb forgot.

Simple Life Behind Bars?

According to US Magazine, Nicole Richie has been ordered to stand trial on July 11th due to her December DUI. She faces a year in the slammer.

Didn't I tell you a while back that Paris wanted to remake Black Mama, White Mama? With Nicole in jail, they could update it for the multiracial 21st century set:

White Mama, Frappuccino Mama.

The Starbucks product placement ALONE would be worth millions.

With Lindsay Lohan looking like Gollum these days, maybe the three of them could do a femme Lord of the Rings?

Captain America's Replacement REVEALED

When Captain America died, rumors of his replacement ran rampant.

Some people thought it would be The Punisher.

Old Punisher...


Captain Americafied Punisher...

But they're wrong.

Others thought it would be Cap's former sidekick Bucky Barnes.

Here's the original recipe Bucky alongside Cap:

And this is the extra crispy Bucky in his new persona, The Winter Soldier:

But they're wrong, too.

Captain America's replacement has surfaced. And he don't need no stinkin' new costume...

Colin Powell, where the heck have you been?

We found out that you've been conversating with Barak Obama and now you tell Newsweek you want people to back off Angelina Jolie:

"She's absolutely serious, absolutely informed...She doesn't need this. This needed her."

Just like the way kids around the world need Angelina Jolie to come in their country and adopt the hell out of them, America...no...THE WORLD needs Colin Powell to come back into the spotlight and pick up good ol' Cap's mantle.

And for that, I salute him.

Colin Powell, your shield awaits. You just have to wrest it from the sinister clutches of Stephen Colbert...