Worst Week In The History Of R&B Music

As if it wasn't enough for T-Pain to harp on Ray-J's dong, he has the #1 album this week for singing about how he wants to "slob the knob". It would be righteous if he used the opportunity to man up, come out and destigmatize homophobia, but he punked out by saying he "isn't a homo".

He should be a man and acknowledge the Freud in his slips.

On the topic of punking out, Akon recorded a song to apologize to everybody for everything:

• to the 14 year old he dry humped
• to Gwen Stefani, since Verizon dropped tour sponsorship because he humped the 14 year old
  
• to the environment for global warming

You can hear the lame track here (thanks Mediatakeout.com), but I warn you to tread with caution:

You will never get the 4 minutes and 57 seconds of your life back.

I thought the brotha was the next coming of Adebisi, not the Black version of Stan's dad from South Park, who had to kiss Jesse Jackson's ass to atone for his sins:


South Park - Apology To Jesse Jackson - The funniest videos clips are here

Is this all a result of Al Sharpton's call for the music industry to change denigrating lyrics? He's collecting thousands of bars of soap as symbols of the effort, so if you see Akon flashing some Ivory in the upcoming weeks, you know who to blame. And who really should apologize.

Akon Update: Give Me The Boy

Life continues to imitate OZ.

The Poughkeepsie Journal reports that Fishkill police, like OZ favorite Vern Schillinger, want someone to "bring them the boy" that Akon Gorilla Slammed at Sunday's WSPK sponsored KFEST.

Unlike Vern, who wanted to be brought boys to bugger, Fishkill cops want to question the kid to get his side of the story.

Apparently, two cops were present during the incident and didn't do anything...probably other than laughing their asses off.

Strangely enough, this occurred regularly in OZ as well. Stuff would happen around guards who weren't paid enough to bother. Hell, the cops at KFEST might've figured that if they did something, they'd have to leave the show and miss Akon's set. For all we know, Akon was the reason they went. And you can't get mad at them for that. It's not everyday you get to see Akon perform, much less slam a kid off a stage.

According to the article, WSPK General Manager Jason Finkelberg thinks people are overreacting to cool cat Akon:

“I don't think he intended malice on this guy. I think it was in the spirit of the show...He had another kid on stage dancing,” Finkelberg said. “He was taking pictures with kids in wheelchairs.”

Whether Akon was responsible for putting the kids in wheelchairs has yet to be determined.

Adebisi LIVES...in Akon

My brother called me last year and was tripping:

"Adebisi is a singer!"

For the uninitiated, Simon Adebisi was hands down, the BADDEST dude on tv...EVER. On the HBO series OZ, Adebisi decapitated dudes, turned hetero guys into his personal sex slaves, turned the prison into his personal paradise, and had the nerve to videotape all his exploits.

I knew he meant the ACTOR who portrayed Adebisi, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje. And although he was in Mary J. Blige's "Love No Limit", he was too busy being Mr. Eko on "Lost" to have a professional singing career.

After talking to my bro for awhile, I found out he confused Adewale for Akon. I can see how one could confuse Akon and Adewale in passing. Anyhoo, after doing a little research, I found out, like everybody else, that Akon had a criminal record, like Adebisi. Like Adebisi, he sold drugs. Little did I know that Akon would "handle" things much like Adebisi would.

He conned a girl on stage in Trinidad with promises of a trip to Africa. What did she get? A dry humping. Akon was conned himself: He thought security didn't let anyone under 18 in the club. She was 14. . Verizon didn't care. They dropped their sponsorship of his tour.

Months later, during a concert in Fishkill, Akon was opening his heart about how hard it was to adjust to living in the U.S. Akon shared his feelings of alienation as an African in America. What did he get in return? Some punk ass kid who threw a piece of plastic square in Akon's face.

Akon's response? He had security bring the kid to him. When the kid was brought on stage, Akon picked the kid up and tossed the kid off the stage with an Ultimate Warrior Gorilla-Press Slam.

You can see it for yourself here.





On OZ, Adebisi's character was killed off, so Adewale could film that great masterpiece "The Mummy Returns". Adebisi's "murderer" on the show, pacifist Kareem Said, claimed to be possessed by the spirit of Adebisi. After engaging in a number of uncharacteristic actions, Said proclaimed:

"Adebisi lives!"

Years after OZ was canceled, I knew Adebisi would resurface. Little did I know it would be in the form of an R&B crooner with cheesy ass songs.

Eh, I'll take whatever Adebisi I can get.

Kareem Said was right:

ADEBISI LIVES!!!

Post American Idol Viewing Options

With American Idol wrapped up, viewers are scrambling for something to watch.

Two suggestions that have popped up are also signs of the apocalypse:

1. Cheddar cheese aging in real-time on cheddarvision.tv
2. Three contestants fight over a kidney on The Big Donor Show, a new reality television program.
   

You can watch a the real-time cheese aging on cheddarvision.tv.

C'mon. You know you want to...

It's no Sanjaya, but more entertaining than Barry Gibb or Gwen Stefani's performance with Akon. Speaking of Akon, how do you think show producers would have reacted if he pulled the stunt he did in Trinidad with the 15 year old, live on Fox? Melinda Doolittle would've had a heart attack.

As far as the The Big Donor Show is concerned, we have your friends at the AP:

During the show, Lisa (the kidney donor) will hear interviews with the three candidates, their families and friends before choosing who will get her kidney. Viewers will be able to vote for a candidate via SMS text message, but the final determination will be Lisa's.

The shocking plot twist?

There's no guarantee the winner will actually receive the organ, because there is no tissue compatibility screening prior to the contestant selection.

So, the contestants, hoping for a donation, might actually get nothing.

But wait, there's more!

The organ donor has cancer and it's possible that her organs might spread the cancer.

With a 'prize' like that, it makes you wonder what the runners up get.

Before we start the "man folks outside of the U.S. are backwards" bandwagon, let's look at our own reality history.

If a show which encourages young wimmenz to make out with Flavor Flav is legal in the U.S., should we be surprised that The Big Donor Show produced by Endemol NV, which created Big Brother and Fear Factor, is legal in another country?

According to Reuters, BNN the network airing the show on Dutch TV, has broadcast other reality TV shows, including one called "Shooting and Swallowing" illustrating the impact of drug use, and another show on sex called "This is How You Screw".

One question from this despicable attempt at ratings must be answered:

Why isn't BNN offered by my cable carrier?