Melinda Doolittle Performs

It's a slow Saturday, whick is why you have no excuse not to follow the link and check out Melinda Doolittle's June 1st appearance on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, as she performs "Home" from The Wiz.

Melinda would make a great Dorothy with Sanjaya revisiting Michael Jackson's Scarecrow performance, Randy as the Cowardly Lion, Simon as the Tin Man and Paula as a flying monkey. And who would be The Wiz? Clive Davis, of course!

http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/melinda-doolittle-performs/

Rosie's View Replacement Has Massive Consequences

Rosie O'Donnell tried to exercise restraint before her tiff with Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View “(b)ecause here’s how it gets spun in the media: ‘Rosie, big fat lesbian loud Rosie, attacks innocent pure Christian Elisabeth,’ ”

Their tussle gave us insight into a war that many did not know was occurring. This is a war not about gay vs straight, Christian vs heathen, or loudness vs purity.

This is a war about fat people vs thin people.

Rosie O'Donnell's replacement will have huge ramifications on the war's outcome. Rosie's seat was previously held by Star Jones, who was given the boot after she lost weight. I know "the official story": Star was dropped for using the show to pimp product placement for her wedding. But that's not the point, especially if a rejected, skinny View wannabe pulls a Cameron Diaz and asks "Does Rosie's spot have a size requirement? Can't a skinny girl get some cake or cheddar too?"

And there's value in that question.

Just because a skinny girl doesn't eat, doesn't mean she doesn't need bread. Angelina Jolie needs dough, and laxatives, and a photo touch up, to look heroin chic without using heroin, according to Dr. Jeffrey Bronstein's analysis in the NY Post. She sure as hell doesn't use ex-lax, because she's too rich to go out like that.

If Rosie's replacement is Roseanne Barr, it could add more weight to the divide. And it would be a shame, because America is filled with people who are fat, skinny, and all sizes in between. Kathy Griffin, who is loud and obnoxious could be a bridge builder on The View. And we'd get around the fat vs thin ruckus, because we'd have someone right in the middle. The View would show that there isn't, nor should there be, an official dress size for America.

And this is a message that needs to get across.

Unfortunately, Captain America dead, so we have no American idol to...

...wait a minute...

Did I write American Idol?

We got one!

Jordin Sparks, a former plus size model, can be the one who makes a difference since she likes her curves:

"I'm really comfortable in my own skin," Jordin says with her signature wide smile. "I learned that I'm not ever going to be a size 2. I would look so weird as a size 2. Somebody would blow and I would fall right over. It just wouldn't be healthy."

Jordin Sparks can bring fat people and skinny people together. She's not fat, she's Amazonian. So, you see, American Idol strikes again!

The Producers handpicked Jordin because they knew war was on the horizon. They're British, after all, and saw the backlash against skinnies like Keira Knightley, Kate Moss, and Shilpa Shetty in their own country. It was only a matter of time before it hit the United States. Melinda had pipes, and was definitely not TOFI (thin outside fat inside), but she's not a plus size model.

And that's another reason why Melinda Doolittle was jerked.
------
Where do you weigh in? And what about Nicole Richie's 100 lb weight requirement for her Memorial Day Party? How about the NY Post news story that fat people are more likely to die from using Ecstasy? And the European Union's attack on obesity?

Jordin Sparks' Official Bio Was FALSIFIED!

Last Thursday, numerous strands pointing to an American Idol conspiracy were pieced together on this very site. Jordin Sparks' victory and the surprise canning of favorite Melinda Doolittle was alleged to be the work of careful planning in an attempt to maximize ratings. Whether or not you believe the conspiracy is moot: Jordin Sparks is the American Idol. She has a great voice and would never lie to win the competition.

That's what we thought...

...until this morning!

MSNBC reports that Jordin Sparks had a vocal coach. What's the big deal?

That may come as a surprise to Sparks’ fans because on her official bio on the “Idol” Web site, when asked if she ever had formal training, Sparks answered, “No.”

Melissa Black, who was Jordin's coach for nine months, felt 'hurt' by not being acknowledged and having her work ignored.

People believed that Jordin was this vocal ingenue as opposed to the wily veteran Melissa Doolittle. This belief was furthered by the "I'm only 17" mantra that Jordin, the judges, and even Ryan Seacrest recited.

This affected voting.

Would Melissa Black, removed from American Idol history to further a secretly held conspiracy, burn with hatred as an unwitting pawn to Jordin Sparks' orchestrated march to victory?

“I’ve moved on, and I hold my head up high.”

If only I could move on.

But when I remember the golden voice of Melinda Doolittle, and remember the odds she's overcome, only to have victory taken away from her because of some producer's notion that an American Idol should have a prominent neck, I just can't. I just can't...
----
What do think of the "oversight"? Who do you identify with: Melinda, Jordin, or Melissa?

Post American Idol Viewing Options

With American Idol wrapped up, viewers are scrambling for something to watch.

Two suggestions that have popped up are also signs of the apocalypse:

1. Cheddar cheese aging in real-time on cheddarvision.tv
2. Three contestants fight over a kidney on The Big Donor Show, a new reality television program.
   

You can watch a the real-time cheese aging on cheddarvision.tv.

C'mon. You know you want to...

It's no Sanjaya, but more entertaining than Barry Gibb or Gwen Stefani's performance with Akon. Speaking of Akon, how do you think show producers would have reacted if he pulled the stunt he did in Trinidad with the 15 year old, live on Fox? Melinda Doolittle would've had a heart attack.

As far as the The Big Donor Show is concerned, we have your friends at the AP:

During the show, Lisa (the kidney donor) will hear interviews with the three candidates, their families and friends before choosing who will get her kidney. Viewers will be able to vote for a candidate via SMS text message, but the final determination will be Lisa's.

The shocking plot twist?

There's no guarantee the winner will actually receive the organ, because there is no tissue compatibility screening prior to the contestant selection.

So, the contestants, hoping for a donation, might actually get nothing.

But wait, there's more!

The organ donor has cancer and it's possible that her organs might spread the cancer.

With a 'prize' like that, it makes you wonder what the runners up get.

Before we start the "man folks outside of the U.S. are backwards" bandwagon, let's look at our own reality history.

If a show which encourages young wimmenz to make out with Flavor Flav is legal in the U.S., should we be surprised that The Big Donor Show produced by Endemol NV, which created Big Brother and Fear Factor, is legal in another country?

According to Reuters, BNN the network airing the show on Dutch TV, has broadcast other reality TV shows, including one called "Shooting and Swallowing" illustrating the impact of drug use, and another show on sex called "This is How You Screw".

One question from this despicable attempt at ratings must be answered:

Why isn't BNN offered by my cable carrier?

More Fodder For The Conspriracy

People magazine adds another link to the Jordin Sparks conspiracy AKA Melinda Doolittle wuz jerked via Blake Lewis:

Many Idol watchers – including the judges – say that Lewis' fate was sealed by the final song, "This is My Now," an emotional ballad that clearly suited Sparks' powerful voice over beat-boxer Blake. Lewis agrees. "'This is My Now" is definitely not my style, a song I would never sing if I didn't have to," he says. "It fit [Jordin] like perfectly. And I honestly think they should have had two songs that were tailored to both of us, but I'm so happy with being second place."

Also, Lisa DeMoraes "pretty girl vs goofy guy" summation is granted greater credence from Blake as well:

"I love being goofy"

The American Idol Producers loved it too, Blake.

And as far as being a sell-out?

Asked which previous American Idol has a career that he would like to emulate, "None of them," says Lewis. "I want to set my own path."

Didn't I tell you he was a rebel? Rock on, Blake Lewis.

Jordin Sparks Idol Conspiracy EXPOSED!

For decades, codebreakers scoured newspapers to decipher vast international conspiracies. With the advent of the Internet, it is possible to deconstruct massive media conspiracies by surfing the web.

Case in point?

Jordin Sparks was picked, packaged, and presented as the American Idol months before we knew she existed.

Don't believe me? Follow me on a journey which will have your head spinning and heart pumping. You will understand that Howard Stern was correct: Jordin Sparks' victory is a mass manipulation on a conspiratorial level unmatched since Jethro Tull won the heavy metal Grammy over Metallica.

(First, check yesterday's story on Howard Stern's theory, if you haven't already.)

One would think Howard was batty. That is, until one visited Tabloid Baby's article on Newsgasm revealing photos showing Jordin with Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson three years ago, even though they pretended not to know her when she auditioned.


Throughout the season, Jordin's mantra was "I'm Just 17 years old!", which as Lisa De Moraes notes, was what 'the show's three judges reminded viewers at every possible moment in the four-month-long competition.'

It's a marketing ploy which paid off, as every story covering American Idol mentions Jordin's age, and how she's the youngest idol EVER!

The marketing was burrowed in our brains by her duet with Blake Lewis covering The Beatles' "I Saw Her Standing There" which starts out with "She was just 17, you know what I mean..."

Blake Lewis, forever the rebel, wanted to spite the competition once he discovered the conspiracy:

After the show, Lewis told reporters backstage that he had pegged Sparks as the next "American Idol" weeks ago. "I feel great," he said. "I was trying to wear a 'Vote For Jordin Sparks' T-shirt last night but they wouldn't let me."

Who are the 'they' who wouldn't let Blake support Jordin? And how could 'they' convince Blake to prove his allegiance to 'them'? Did 'they' get to him? This isn't any mere mortal we're talking about. It's Blake Frickin' Lewis, who will beatbox his Jamiroquai all over your non-311 loving hindpots!

Perhaps 'they' were the puppetmasters pulling the strings on other Idol contestants in a story covered by TMZ:

"A.I." castoffs Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato and Gina Glocksen are pretty clear as to who their pick to win "Idol" is... and it's not Blake Lewis. The three rejects have spent the last week asking all of their fans to vote for Jordin Sparks. The girls have posted bulletins non stop on each of their MySpace pages, urging readers to make Jordin the next "American Idol" winner.

Creepy enough for you?

There's even more...

A YouTuber believes that 'they' manipulated footage to boost Jordin's likelihood of winning and the video of Jordin's disappearing tears.

Evidence provided by Votefortheworst.com suggest the conspiracy of 'them' to increase Jordin's margin of victory was strengthened through the pro-life movement and Jordin's prominent anti-abortion stance, including appearing at anti-abortion rallies and having photos on her myspace account, courting the Christian Right.


What is the master plan?

There are three theories:

The first involves Capitalism:

'They' are American Idol producers who get money from exploiting Jordan Sparks. Jordin Sparks is young and cute. Tweens like her, and Tweens have more purchasing power than anyone else on the planet. And 'they' want to get Tweens money;

The second involves Politics:

'They' want to condition Americans to vote for Barak Obama as president, envisioned by Katherine Meizel:

I've been fantasizing about how the Season 6 lack-of-the-South upset might relate to the newly real potential of Barack Obama's presidential candidacy. Like our Top 2, he's not Southern; like Jordin, his family background is multiracial; and I think that if he were an American Idol contestant, he would probably wear sweater vests. Maybe the rise of Blake and Jordin is connected to the recent barometric shift in our political climate, away from the status quo and toward something, like Blake's beatboxing, more "contemporary." Or maybe it's just a singing competition after all.

(I have to note my continued befuddlement over the "beatboxing is contemporary" crap? Doug E. Fresh, the "original human beat box" (not to be confused with the Fat Boys Human Beat Box) performed "The Show" last night. Which was a hit...back in 1985!);

The third involves Religion:

'They' believe that America, no, the world, needs a Christian Idol after Bert, Cat Stevens, and Mickey Mouse converted to Islam.

And that Idol?

Jordin Sparks.

Whoever 'they' are, 'they' must be distraught since American Idol season finale ratings are down 19% from last year.

That's right, Taylor Hicks got higher ratings than Jordin.

'They' should have rigged the show to make the finals Sanjaya versus Melinda.

Oh, I fergot. According to Stern, that's what it would've been if 'they' didn't tinker with the results in the first place.

See what happens when you try to play God, 'they' who run American Idol?

Yes, Virginia, Melinda Doolittle WAS Jerked!

Howard Stern was right. American Idol is rigged.

Last week, after Melinda Doolittle, the best singer in American Idol, lost to a beatboxer, we're all supposed to believe that American Idol is about singing, not perceived entertainment value, looks, or anything else.

Really?

That's what the judges kept on saying last night, as if last week didn't happen.

Or, as if American Idol had blind auditions, like orchestras fighting sexism or Bam Bam Flintsone, with contestants singing behind a screen.

Fortunately, one critic, Lisa de Moraes, didn't let them off the hook:

"Once again the final night of "American Idol" competition pits a goofy, likable guy with a crowd-pleasing schtick and not so much of a voice against a pretty young woman with a big, gorgeous voice but not so much entertainment value. No, not Taylor Hicks vs. Kat McPhee. That was last year. No, not Bo Bice vs. Carrie Underwood. That was two years ago."

The formula of goofy guy vs pretty girl means higher ratings for American Idol. Since this is the third season in a row where the final showdown has that formula, we're supposed to believe it's coincidence?

That ain't no coincidence! It's a fix!

Remember what I posted a few days ago:

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

What was the refrain last night?

American Idol is just a singing competition.

It would be one thing if Melinda was the only person to lose against an inferior singer. But what about Sanjaya's dominance? What about LaKisha Jones losing out to Blake?

Doesn't mean a thing. American Idol is just about singing.

If Flavor Flav faced off against Brad Pitt in the finals of the "Sexiest Man Alive" competition, do you think we'd let the judges get away with the same crap they tried to pull last night, if a week earlier Flav beat Johnny Depp?

Check out what American Idol Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe said:

"I'm delighted. I think it's the uniqueness of Blake and the actual growth of Jordin. Melinda and LaKisha (Jones) started off as front-runners, and I think Jordin overtook them. From the show's point of view, having two girls in the final wouldn't have been as strong as a boy and a girl."

Before last night's episode, Simon noted in the same article that the contest tune is "going to be harder for Blake to sing. It's more of a ballad."

Then why didn't the Producers level the playing field and pick a song that would work for Blake AND Jordin?

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

Any notion that American Idol is just a singing competition should have been destroyed on April 21, 2004 when Jennifer Hudson, LaToya London and Fantasia were in the bottom three. A few weeks later, Jasmine Trias stayed and London was voted off. Karma allegedly rectified things when Fantasia won.

But what about last season? Would Taylor Hicks have won because he was a better singer than Elliot Yamin, Chris Daughtry, and Katherine McPhee?

Millions of people, week after week, 'voted' for Taylor Hicks. In the finals, Hicks received over 31.7 MILLION VOTES, but only 667,000 of those people bought his album? And don't tell me that his mama bought all the copies.

American Idol executive producer Nigel Lythgoe concedes that the voters' choice isn't always the consumer choice, as seen in Hicks' record sales next to Daughtry's.

I ask you, is 'voter's choice' responsible for Melinda losing or is it the fact that Blake would be easier competition for a contestant the producers think they can make more money from?

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

Where is the outrage?

Where is the concern?

Where is the support for Melinda Doolittle?

I forgot.

We're lazy.
---------
Do you believe that the fix is on? Or is the 'boy vs girl' competition for the third year in a row a natural occurrence?

Was Melinda Doolittle Robbed?

It was only a matter of time.

People like to talk about disfranchisement of Florida voters in the 2000 elections.

Folks raged.

Al Gore punked out.

Bush became president.

Stacey Stillman, loser in the first season of Survivor, sued CBS claiming that the producers arranged her exit and orchestrated the show's outcome.

Jim McAllister rigged the vote against Tracy Flick in the movie Election. Tracy cried her poor eyes out, but justice was served. In the end, she got the presidential crown she greatly deserved.

Was Melinda Doolittle a victim of similar skullduggery?

According to Howard 100 news, American Idol lied about the results to get rid of Melinda Doolittle:

The show decided to switch horses at the last minute...Blake Lewis was allegedly scheduled to be told to go home last night, until Idol producers changed their minds. Our source claiming Simon Cowell allegedly said quote “F--- Howard Stern,” and added that the Idol result last night would be the opposite of what Howard 100 News reported. All of which might explain the strange subdued mood on American Idol last night.

Not only did they make that allegation, Howard 100 went a step further and purports that in 6 seasons only two American Idol’s have been picked by the viewing public.

The source claims that this season, producers of the show had allegedly decided to go straight, to let viewer votes decide the winner, but panicked when Howard Stern and VotefortheWorst.com backed Sanjaya. The show then reverted back to picking the winner, according to our source. The source claims Sanjaya was running away with the competition, until producers decided to take back control and throw him off the show in spite of Sanjaya’s alleged vote victories.

Yes, it all goes back to Sanjaya.

I told you he was supposed to win!

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

Is this just a rumor?

Melinda did seem subdued.

And what about her t-shirt?



It says "Death Cheaters". Is it a message? Did she really mean "death to the cheaters"? Who are the cheaters she's referencing? The producers who rigged the vote?

Here's the shirt in full:

(you can find them here).

Get your conspiracy caps on!

Did American Idol producers rig the results to spite Howard Stern?
Was Melinda Doolittle's choice of garb a product of knowing she was going to be wronged?
Will producers go with the alleged original plan: Jordin Sparks as YOUR American Idol?
Or, since the cat is out of the bag, will American Idol producers flip the script and have Blake Lewis win?

This is nothing new. Back in the 50's, Quiz Shows were the rage. Sponsors and producers realized that keeping popular contestants on the show would increase ratings and revenue.
So they rigged the results. When bitter, loser contestants ratted, the ratings dipped.
Congress soon got involved and passed laws regulating game shows. Quiz Shows disappeared for decades, but they're back. And people are still complaining (for more on Quiz Show scandals, click here.)

Until American Idol releases the results, people will claim it's rigged. Hell, even if the results were released, people will still claim it's rigged.

As for me?

I look at that great source of nerd inspiration, The Matrix, for guidance:

"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy, and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss."

Like Cypher, instead of raging against an illusionary construct...instead of turning my back on the show...

I'm gonna watch.

Blake and Jordin may not be as juicy and delicious as Cyber's steak, but watching Blake's horrid beatboxing and Jordin's awkward gesturing while screeching through a song, sure as hell beats watching NCIS!
------
Do you think American Idol is rigged? Does it matter? Would Sanjaya have won?

Melinda Doolittle, Victim of Laziness

Since Melinda Doolittle was voted off American Idol last night, folks are scrambling for reasons why the most talented, consistent performer isn't going to be in the finals.

One reviewer from the Washington Post theorizes:

Everything about Jordin and Blake seemed younger -- they are younger, truth be told -- and it's a truism that America worships youth.

Do Americans worship youth?

If you look at the top grossing movies for 2007, according to Box Office Mojo, all of the top 5 movies have old farts in them:

1	Spider-Man 3
2	300
3	Wild Hogs
4	Ghost Rider
5	Blades of Glory

Spider-Man has been around since the 60s.
300 = Old Spartan farts.
Wild Hogs has an ensemble cast of old farts.
Nicholas Cage. Nuff said.
Will Ferrell = funny old fart.

If we worshipped youth, how do you explain the M.I.L.F. phenomenon?

How do you explain old as dirt Taylor Hicks beating the younger Katherine McPhee in last season's American Idol finale?

And how do you explain my broke ass, raggedy 65 year old neighbor still pulling honeys?

Something else is afoot.

I, like many others, stopped voting for Melinda weeks ago because she seemed to be a shoo in. There wasn't a sense of urgency to make sure her old (by American Idol standards) ass passed to the next round.

Once Chris Richardson and Sanjaya lost, the tween vote went to Blake.

And tweens are rabid.

Look at the footage from last night. The crowds for Blake and Jordin were buckwild. Melinda's fans, on the other hand, looked like paid extras and family members of the American Idol camera crew...much like that weird, fat, hairy guy in all of the American Idol Ford commercials.

If you really want to know how we are, let's look at some recent events:

We know that gas shouldn't be $4 a gallon...
We know that Michael Buble shouldn't have the #1 album of the week...
We know that Richard Gere shouldn't be persecuted for making out with a hot Bollywood actress...

And what do we do about it?

Not a goddamn thing!

So, I ask you again, is the reason why Melinda Doolittle lost because Americans worship youth?

Nope. We're just lazy.
-----
Why do you think Melinda was voted off last night? And, who the hell is buying Michael Buble's album?