Isaiah Washington Can Learn A Lot From Dr. Doom

According to People, Isaiah Washington is so upset about being fired from Grey's Anatomy, he's speaking in 3rd person:

"I hope that everyone is happy for the outcome for Isaiah, but Isaiah will go on and do what I love to do."

The act of referring to oneself in 3rd person is also known as an Illeism.

If Isaiah decides to continue down this path, he'll be in great company.

How great?

I've created a list of the TOP 5 ILLEISMATICS OF ALL TIME:

5. JIMMY from Seinfeld
Jimmy only spoke illeistically ( "Jimmy's down! Jimmy's got a compound fracture! Jimmy's gonna get you, Kramer! Jimmy holds grudges!") and it was CONTAGIOUS:

• Jerry: I don't know how you can eat that spicy chicken.
• George: George likes spicy chicken.
• Jerry: What's that?
• George: I like spicy chicken.
• Jerry: No, no you said "GEORGE likes spicy chicken".
• George: No I didn't!
• Elaine: Yes you did. You said "George likes spicy chicken".
• Jerry: You're turning into Jimmy!
• George: (irritated) George is getting upset!!

4. THE ROCK
The Rock, when he was rasslin', would engage in illeisms "The Great One", "The Brahma Bull", "The People's Champion" before, during, and after he would "Layeth The Smacketh Down" on your candy ass. He would also utter an illeistic phrase "If you smell... what the Rock is cookin'!" after every promo for 5 years. He even had a best selling book entitled...what else? "The Rock Says..."


3. ELMO

"Lala-lala lala-lala Elmo's song. Lala-lala lala-lala Elmo's song. Me write the music, me write the words, that's Elmo's song."


Neither Dobby, of Harry Potter fame, nor Superman's nemesis Bizarro, can hold a candle to Elmo.

Elmo is an icon. Elmo influences preschoolers all over the world who want to be just like him. But there's a problem:

Elmo speaks in 3rd person.

Parents, who thought Sesame Street was a wholesome show which supported early education, fear that their children's grammatical abilities will be forever tainted by this little red monster...yet there is nothing they can do about it! And you thought Bert was Sesame Street's resident badass?

2. RICKEY HENDERSON
Baseball great Rickey Henderson wanted a trade, so he called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

Also, according to therandomburrito, before every game he played, Rickey stood completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and chanted, “Rickey’s the best,” for several minutes.

Why is he higher than Elmo? Elmo inspires fear. Rickey inspires hate, loating, and a grammy nominated comedy album, which is more than Elmo can say about what Elmo inspires.


1. DR. DOOM
Nobody does it better. He, I mean Doom, puts the "ill" in illeism. Doom's been doing it for 45 years, and what sets him on a different level than punks like Dobby or wannabe's like Elmo? He has robots masquerading as Doom called "Doombots". Doom > Rickey because Rickey don't have robots...although I hear he's working on that...

Plus, Doom is a certified megalomaniac dictator to the country he rules, Latervia, and to the kid he adopted, Kristoff:

In your FACE, Rickey!

Isaiah Washington can learn a lot from Dr. Doom...
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Who do you think is the Illest Illeismatic?

Isaiah Washington Is Mad As Hell, But What Is He Gonna Do About It?

It finally happened.

People reports that Isaiah Washington is gone from Grey's Anatomy.

I was ecstatic until I read this:

Howard Bragman, Washington's publicist, says Washington's option was not renewed, and released this statement from the actor: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more."

I initially felt fear for gays worldwide. I mean, isn't it bad enough that he went crazy on set and at the Golden Globes? If that wasn't "mad as hell", I don't know what is. I thought he calmed down by filming a PSA.

Then, I realized that the quote is from the movie Network, where news anchor Howard Beale responds to his firing by threatening to blow his brains out on national television. He later changes his mind, but engages in a rant which gets him a new show with stellar ratings. At the end of Network, television execs hire a group of terrorists from a rival show to execute Beale.

What is Isaiah Washington planning to do and why would he quote Network? Is he going to blow his brains out on national television or just engage in another hate filled rant?

Then I had my conspiracy cap on:

Imagine if ABC felt the need to "Network" Isaiah? Which ABC actor would they send to whack him? And, which actor would be desperate enough to accept the job? Who has a need to resuscitate their stalled career by showing allegiance to a network who can offer them a return to their 15 minutes of fame.

One ABC show came to mind:

LOST.

And one actor is ripe for the job to take out Isaiah if he gets too crazy...

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What do you think is Isaiah's next step? And if he gets too crazy (as if he isn't crazy enough), which "star" will they send out to ice him?

Obama's Nemesis REVEALED

It had to happen.

Every major do-gooder has a nemisis.

Shazam has Black Adam.

Grey's Anatomy has Isaiah Washington.

Now we've learned that Barack Obama has Cousin Pookie.

No one knows what Pookie looks like. My assumption is he must be modeled after Pookie from New Jack City.

The question on a lot of people's minds is, 'why does it have to be a brotha?' And if he has to be a brotha, why not make him a "magic negro" like J.C. from the Green Mile?


David Ehrenstein believes it's because Obama is the magic negro himself, but I don't believe it. If a "magic negro" exists, it's Will Smith, because only magic can make a piece of crap like 'Getting Jiggy With It' a #1 song and a dud like 'I, Robot' a hit movie.

But I digress...

Having an "evil Negro" was successfully employed by George Bush in the 1988 election and Bill Clinton coined the phrase Sister Souljah moment by using a black rapper as his nemesis.

Even Santa Claus has an evil Negro (Zwarte 'Black' Piet) to further his political agenda.


At times like these, if you can't trust Santa, who can you trust?

We need a true hero.

An icon above all icons.

Superman.

Surely he is immune to having an evil negro. He had Lex Luthor. Bald whiteboy. Why can't Obama be like Superman?


Wait a minute. Who's that guy underneath Lex Luthor?

That's right.

It's Bizarro, Supeman's exact opposite, who was backwards and did everything wrong.


Bizarro spoke in ebonics...


Bizarro, like Undercover Brother, had a weakness for "Black Man's Kryptonite" AKA the "White She-Devil"...


Bizarro isn't really white after all.

He's just lightskinded.

I guess Obama is more like Superman than I thought...

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So, now that Obama has his Cousin Pookie, what are the other candidates going to do? Is everyone going to pick an "evil negro" or will other ethnicities be empoyed? Who are your top candidates for Hilary, Rudy, McCain or Edwards nemesis?

Anatomically Correct?

Last year, Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington went on a rampage and fought co-star McDreamy on set:

At one point, Isaiah yelled, "I'm not your little faggot like (name deleted)," according to the source. Those who heard him were stunned.

At the Golden Globes, Washington denied using the slur by repeating the slur. He went to rehab for sexual orientation issues and got an NAACP Image award.

The "name deleted" castmate Washington was referring to turned out to be T.R. Knight, who eventually came out. This weekend, Knight was rewarded by the show's producers for working with a virulent homophobe, by picking up the GLAAD award on behalf of the show.

So, Washington slurs Knight and gets an award from the NAACP.
Knight received the slur and picks up the GLAAD award.

Ann Coulter calls Presidential hopeful John Edwards a f*ggot and what does she get?:

A bloated J.J. Evans AKA Kid Dy-no-mite.

What would Michael Evans say?


(insert your own caption in the comments section)