Super Mario's Troubles with Cho, Dix, and Addiction

Super Mario is on track to have the worst year ever.

First, Seung-Hui Cho imitated a Super Mario 'Hammer Brother' before engaging in horrific behavior at Virginia Tech.

Now, we've learned that a terrorist plot against Fort Dix surfaced from a restaurant inspired by the noble plumber: Super Mario Pizza.

Is it any wonder that Super Mario now lives in Brooklyn? Unemployed? With a mushroom addiction?

Super Mario was created to inspire love, not hate...even if you saw the horrid 1993 Super Mario Bros movie or even worse, Fred Savage's 1989 Super Mario movie 'The Wizard'.

Now, it seems that Super Mario has turned into 21st Century's 'The Catcher In The Rye', a work blamed for the Reagan Assassination attempt, John Lennon's murder, and is the most banned book in the U.S.

In high school, we had to get signed permission slips from our parents in order to read 'The Catcher In The Rye'.

What fate will befall Super Mario?

An adult rating? Government oversight?

Let's hope we at least get a ban on Super Mario movies.

That's the most humane thing to do for our vulnerable youth.

Should Virginia Tech killer be linked to Super Mario?

Someone finally pulled a John Hinckley analysis, AKA "Blame the Movie/Book/Videogame for creating the psycho", on Cho Seung-Hui for the Virginia Tech massacre. The movie of choice, for today at least, is Oldboy.

Look at the photo: Cho has a hammer and so does Dae-Su Oh, the protagonist of Oldboy. Cho was violent and so was Dae-Su.

Forget the fact that Cho used 9mm and .22-caliber pistols, not a hammer.

Forget the fact that Oldboy took place in Korea and Dae-Su fought to defend himself from thugs who kidnapped him and a criminal mastermind who tricked him into committing incest.

Yes, you read that right: Dae-Su slept with his daughter. At the end of the movie, once he finds out, he cuts out his tongue.

Forget that Dae-Su doesn't commit suicide. He, like George Michael suggested, Chooses Life. Unlike George Michael, Dae-Su decides to continue his monogamous relationship with his daughter. Unlike Dae-Su, Cho was childless and kept his tongue intact. Unlike Dae-Sue's mop-top hairstyle, Cho shaved his head.

What is the parallel between Dae-Su and Cho? Oh yeah, I forgot.

He took a photo with a hammer.

Since Cho was an English major, wouldn't it make more sense to blame John Henry?


Maybe Cho took a Norse Myths class. We can blame Thor...


Sorry, he probably read comics, so I got the wrong Thor...


Nope, throw all that out the window. It's Oldboy to blame.

If out of touch critics want to blame something. Why not blame a videogame? That's the "hip" thing to do these days. Don't worry, if you're not up on videogames. I'll give you a character who, like Cho, has a hammer...and even better yet...he's Asian!:


That's right. The Hammer Brother from Super Mario.