How Do You Serve 'Racist Egg'?

DC Comics has reinterpreted our favorite Communist instrument of terror, Egg Fu, for the 21st Century. They gave him a shave and a language coach.

Old Fu:New Fu:
After checking out the changes, I realized Egg Fu's true calling:

A featured ingredient on a reality cooking show.

On Top Chef, they'd probably make him into 'egg yolk and sea urchin roe with vermicelli'.

On Hell's Kitchen, they'd probably under cook poor Egg Fu and Chef Ramsay would have no choice but to throw him out, cursing all the way.

On Iron Chef, Chairman Kaga would challenge the contestants to break the shell which normally confines their thinking.

I don't think any of the Egg Fu dishes would go over well with the judges. I hear he has a weird aftertaste, which is why you can't get racial stereotype eggs at your local grocer.

No Egg On Wonder Woman's Face

According to the AP, scenes of Chow Yun-Fat in Pirates of the Caribbean have been slashed in half by censors in China for "vilifying and defacing" the Chinese. The depiction of a scarred, bald pirate with Lee press-on nails, is believed to be consistent with Hollywood's old tradition of demonizing the Chinese.

This should be a wake up call to the producers of the upcoming Wonder Woman movie who are trying to figure out which villain from her past should be featured in the film.

No matter how much they might be tempted, one thing rings true...

Avoid Egg Fu at all costs!

I know the idea of a ginormous Communist egg created by Chinese sleeper agents to take down America and Wonder Woman seems like money in the bank, but please be reasonable.

Shilpa Shetty: Closer To Justice

Fortunately, the BBC heard my plea to Free Shilpa Shetty.

If the BBC can apologize (sorry, it's British, so I'll try again)...

If the BBC can apologise for the horrid treatment of Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother, including referring to the actress as "Shilpa Poppadom"; another contestant saying that Shetty should "f*ck off" home; and a dispute over Shetty cooking a chicken, ending with housemates making abusive remarks about Indian eating habits, then surely the Indian Supreme Court should accept her motions in Geregate.

"Shilpa Poppadom" should not be confused with with Ultramagnetic MC's song Poppa Large...

Although referring to the svelte Indian Shetty as Poppa Large might make her believe that you're calling her a "fat black man".

That, in and of itself might not seem too bad, but it could set the stage for a legal trouble akin to what happened with Keira Knightley, who won a lawsuit against a newspaper who claimed she had an eating disdorder...and tried to blame her alleged anorexia for for the death of a 19 year old. I guess they don't know about TOFIs or how skinny beautiful women are persecuted. Just ask Cameron Diaz.

The Poppa Large confusion could raise another claim if it causes Shilpa to lose a suitor who beleives she's a dark, fat, black man instead of lightskinded...like the Indian guy who's arranged bride rebuffed him for being too dark.

The Indian Supreme Court needs to handle their country's color discrmination...after they help Shilpa first.

I mean, c'mon. She's been beaten, lonely, and abused! They gotta have their priorities straight, right?

Obama's Nemesis REVEALED

It had to happen.

Every major do-gooder has a nemisis.

Shazam has Black Adam.

Grey's Anatomy has Isaiah Washington.

Now we've learned that Barack Obama has Cousin Pookie.

No one knows what Pookie looks like. My assumption is he must be modeled after Pookie from New Jack City.

The question on a lot of people's minds is, 'why does it have to be a brotha?' And if he has to be a brotha, why not make him a "magic negro" like J.C. from the Green Mile?


David Ehrenstein believes it's because Obama is the magic negro himself, but I don't believe it. If a "magic negro" exists, it's Will Smith, because only magic can make a piece of crap like 'Getting Jiggy With It' a #1 song and a dud like 'I, Robot' a hit movie.

But I digress...

Having an "evil Negro" was successfully employed by George Bush in the 1988 election and Bill Clinton coined the phrase Sister Souljah moment by using a black rapper as his nemesis.

Even Santa Claus has an evil Negro (Zwarte 'Black' Piet) to further his political agenda.


At times like these, if you can't trust Santa, who can you trust?

We need a true hero.

An icon above all icons.

Superman.

Surely he is immune to having an evil negro. He had Lex Luthor. Bald whiteboy. Why can't Obama be like Superman?


Wait a minute. Who's that guy underneath Lex Luthor?

That's right.

It's Bizarro, Supeman's exact opposite, who was backwards and did everything wrong.


Bizarro spoke in ebonics...


Bizarro, like Undercover Brother, had a weakness for "Black Man's Kryptonite" AKA the "White She-Devil"...


Bizarro isn't really white after all.

He's just lightskinded.

I guess Obama is more like Superman than I thought...

-------

So, now that Obama has his Cousin Pookie, what are the other candidates going to do? Is everyone going to pick an "evil negro" or will other ethnicities be empoyed? Who are your top candidates for Hilary, Rudy, McCain or Edwards nemesis?

Imus Be Mistaken

Don Imus did the impossible.

He made Condi Rice get in touch with her roots and it didn't take shame from going on a shopping spree:

"I just thought that it was an attack on women's sports, first of all, and secondly an attack on very accomplished young black women in a way that was really offensive"

The message is simple: Say what you will about the war, the president or unemployment, but don't be callin' nobody no nappy headed hos!
-------
Of all the things to talk about, why do you think Condi choose Imus? When can we expect to hear from her next? Holla back!

Power of the Perm

Is it just me or have you noticed that the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team members all got fresh perms after Imus' Nappy Headed Hos comment?



Newsday had a piece on the significance of the term, so did CNN, but they say nothing about the connection between their perms and Al Sharpton's touch up.



After all, he was the first one to defend them AFTER they got the perms. Would the brotha have helped them out if they remained true to their (for lack of a better term) roots?

Sharpton claimed to cop the 'do when he worked with James Brown (R.I.P.)


Every day, Sharpton delivers on a promise he made to Brown a couple of decades ago when he asked the civil rights activist "to straighten your hair like mine so when people see you they think you're my son."Brown often called Sharpton, urging: "I want you to keep it that way until I die." Sharpton said he will never give up the look. "That's my bond with James Brown." This is perm love!

However, Sharpton was nowhere to be found when James' hair went through a rough spell:



That, my friends is a damn shame, and a goddamn nappy mess!

------------
What do you think is the special significance and POWER of the perm? Speak on this...