Rosie's View Replacement Has Massive Consequences

Rosie O'Donnell tried to exercise restraint before her tiff with Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View “(b)ecause here’s how it gets spun in the media: ‘Rosie, big fat lesbian loud Rosie, attacks innocent pure Christian Elisabeth,’ ”

Their tussle gave us insight into a war that many did not know was occurring. This is a war not about gay vs straight, Christian vs heathen, or loudness vs purity.

This is a war about fat people vs thin people.

Rosie O'Donnell's replacement will have huge ramifications on the war's outcome. Rosie's seat was previously held by Star Jones, who was given the boot after she lost weight. I know "the official story": Star was dropped for using the show to pimp product placement for her wedding. But that's not the point, especially if a rejected, skinny View wannabe pulls a Cameron Diaz and asks "Does Rosie's spot have a size requirement? Can't a skinny girl get some cake or cheddar too?"

And there's value in that question.

Just because a skinny girl doesn't eat, doesn't mean she doesn't need bread. Angelina Jolie needs dough, and laxatives, and a photo touch up, to look heroin chic without using heroin, according to Dr. Jeffrey Bronstein's analysis in the NY Post. She sure as hell doesn't use ex-lax, because she's too rich to go out like that.

If Rosie's replacement is Roseanne Barr, it could add more weight to the divide. And it would be a shame, because America is filled with people who are fat, skinny, and all sizes in between. Kathy Griffin, who is loud and obnoxious could be a bridge builder on The View. And we'd get around the fat vs thin ruckus, because we'd have someone right in the middle. The View would show that there isn't, nor should there be, an official dress size for America.

And this is a message that needs to get across.

Unfortunately, Captain America dead, so we have no American idol to...

...wait a minute...

Did I write American Idol?

We got one!

Jordin Sparks, a former plus size model, can be the one who makes a difference since she likes her curves:

"I'm really comfortable in my own skin," Jordin says with her signature wide smile. "I learned that I'm not ever going to be a size 2. I would look so weird as a size 2. Somebody would blow and I would fall right over. It just wouldn't be healthy."

Jordin Sparks can bring fat people and skinny people together. She's not fat, she's Amazonian. So, you see, American Idol strikes again!

The Producers handpicked Jordin because they knew war was on the horizon. They're British, after all, and saw the backlash against skinnies like Keira Knightley, Kate Moss, and Shilpa Shetty in their own country. It was only a matter of time before it hit the United States. Melinda had pipes, and was definitely not TOFI (thin outside fat inside), but she's not a plus size model.

And that's another reason why Melinda Doolittle was jerked.
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Where do you weigh in? And what about Nicole Richie's 100 lb weight requirement for her Memorial Day Party? How about the NY Post news story that fat people are more likely to die from using Ecstasy? And the European Union's attack on obesity?

Shilpa Shetty: Closer To Justice

Fortunately, the BBC heard my plea to Free Shilpa Shetty.

If the BBC can apologize (sorry, it's British, so I'll try again)...

If the BBC can apologise for the horrid treatment of Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother, including referring to the actress as "Shilpa Poppadom"; another contestant saying that Shetty should "f*ck off" home; and a dispute over Shetty cooking a chicken, ending with housemates making abusive remarks about Indian eating habits, then surely the Indian Supreme Court should accept her motions in Geregate.

"Shilpa Poppadom" should not be confused with with Ultramagnetic MC's song Poppa Large...

Although referring to the svelte Indian Shetty as Poppa Large might make her believe that you're calling her a "fat black man".

That, in and of itself might not seem too bad, but it could set the stage for a legal trouble akin to what happened with Keira Knightley, who won a lawsuit against a newspaper who claimed she had an eating disdorder...and tried to blame her alleged anorexia for for the death of a 19 year old. I guess they don't know about TOFIs or how skinny beautiful women are persecuted. Just ask Cameron Diaz.

The Poppa Large confusion could raise another claim if it causes Shilpa to lose a suitor who beleives she's a dark, fat, black man instead of lightskinded...like the Indian guy who's arranged bride rebuffed him for being too dark.

The Indian Supreme Court needs to handle their country's color discrmination...after they help Shilpa first.

I mean, c'mon. She's been beaten, lonely, and abused! They gotta have their priorities straight, right?