Paris Hilton's Master Prison Plan

Feel sorry or smug that Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail?

Don't be.

It's all a part of an intricate plan to put her back on the media map.

Let's look at the facts:

Paris violated at least three terms of her probation.

And what did she do to violate the terms?

She decided not to enroll in an alcohol education course. She chose to drive a brand new Bentley at 70 MPH in a 35 MPH zone WITHOUT HEADLIGHTS and valid drivers license. To top things off, Paris was late for court.

You'd think this was a product of blondness, but I say thee NAY!

It was a calculated attempt.

Think about it.

Paris Hilton failed as an actress.
Paris Hilton failed as a singer.

What did she have success with?

Reality Television and Porn.

That's why Desissified theorizes three reasons for her jail time:

First reason: A Career As A Gangsta Rapper.

As a singer, she had the best producers money could buy. But she had no credibility. With a stint in jail, she'll be keeping it real by rapping. You laugh, but have you spent time in the slammer for spitting in the face of authority?

What? You haven't?

Paris Hilton has.

And as far as street cred?

Paris Hilton > You

Second reason: Reviving Her Reality Television Career.

'The Simple Life' was a ratings sensation. Now it's on E. With a prison bid, she can do a reality series prepping for prison. Then she can do a show in jail, with a follow up showing her adjustment to the pampered life afterwards. You think Paris on a farm was funny? Imagine her combing her blonde tresses in a mirror made of polished metal after a steady diet of chicken!

Paris Hilton in prison = Ratings GOLD

Third reason: Reviving Her Film Career.

Paris can star in a 21st Century version of 'Black Mama, White Mama' with Lil' Kim: Shower scenes, cat fights, bondage: Exploitation at its finest. And if she can't get a studio to back her, she'll do a scaled down porn version.

Paris Hilton, by hook or by crook, will bastardize her prison time.

And you will watch it.

So, don't cry for Paris Hilton.

Cry for Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros.


They were busted for drunk driving. Michelle Rodriguez violated her probation with the arrest. And what did they get in return? They were kicked off 'LOST'.

They could've come up with a plan to exploit the controversy...if they were as smart and calculating as Paris Hilton.


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What do you think is Paris Hilton's plan? Will it work? Any other prison remakes you think she'll do? And how would you cast it?