R. Kelly's Virginia Tech 'Tribute' or Guilt?

After ruminating that Seung-Hui Cho might have been a victim of mitteration, reports have surface that R. Kelly has written a song about Virginia Tech:

Kelly wrote the inspirational ballad after watching the events unfold on television while he was on tour

Does it seem far fetched that guilt from Kelly's love of water sports motivated him to write the song?

According to Mediatakeout, the Cook County State Attorney's office believes that Kelly was bragging about being untouchable and incriminated himself in the lyrics to his latest song 'Make It Rain.':

You gon' make me aim this, leave your *** brainless...Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet, Weatherman 'bout to make it rain!

R. Kelly's Virginia Tech song is called 'Rise Up' and will be released on May 15th.

Of course, R. Kelly wrote the song before the Cho-Spector-Kelly post, so we can't take credit for making R. Kelly feel guilty enough to do something to atone for his watery sins....

...unless R. Kelly has Nostradamus powers which makes him see into the future.

If that were the case, you'd think he'd know he'd get caught...

...unless his Nostradamus powers are limited to blog entries. Or maybe he was visited by a traveler from the future who warned him just in time.

Maybe the traveler from the future, like Bill and Ted, had to assemble a talented team of urinators and urinatees to save the future from utter destruction.


We know they probably went after R.Kelly, Chuck Berry, and Phil Spector. Let's just hope that Bill and Ted did enough research to know that Phil should be unarmed during the recording sessions.
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Who do you think Bill and Ted would have on their all-star pee-pee squad? And is there more to R.Kelly's song than meets the eye?

Should Virginia Tech killer be linked to Super Mario?

Someone finally pulled a John Hinckley analysis, AKA "Blame the Movie/Book/Videogame for creating the psycho", on Cho Seung-Hui for the Virginia Tech massacre. The movie of choice, for today at least, is Oldboy.

Look at the photo: Cho has a hammer and so does Dae-Su Oh, the protagonist of Oldboy. Cho was violent and so was Dae-Su.

Forget the fact that Cho used 9mm and .22-caliber pistols, not a hammer.

Forget the fact that Oldboy took place in Korea and Dae-Su fought to defend himself from thugs who kidnapped him and a criminal mastermind who tricked him into committing incest.

Yes, you read that right: Dae-Su slept with his daughter. At the end of the movie, once he finds out, he cuts out his tongue.

Forget that Dae-Su doesn't commit suicide. He, like George Michael suggested, Chooses Life. Unlike George Michael, Dae-Su decides to continue his monogamous relationship with his daughter. Unlike Dae-Su, Cho was childless and kept his tongue intact. Unlike Dae-Sue's mop-top hairstyle, Cho shaved his head.

What is the parallel between Dae-Su and Cho? Oh yeah, I forgot.

He took a photo with a hammer.

Since Cho was an English major, wouldn't it make more sense to blame John Henry?


Maybe Cho took a Norse Myths class. We can blame Thor...


Sorry, he probably read comics, so I got the wrong Thor...


Nope, throw all that out the window. It's Oldboy to blame.

If out of touch critics want to blame something. Why not blame a videogame? That's the "hip" thing to do these days. Don't worry, if you're not up on videogames. I'll give you a character who, like Cho, has a hammer...and even better yet...he's Asian!:


That's right. The Hammer Brother from Super Mario.

Absolutely Dreadful

TMZ is reporting that American Idol judge Simon Cowell claims he wasn't rolling his eyes in response to contestant Chris Richardson's offering condolences to Virginia Tech victims and their families last night. They even have the video up. The show is now in full damage control mode.

We all know he's full of it. Simon's made snarky remarks about contestants wishing happy birthday to their moms and referencing other personal events for sympathy votes. The producers probably told him what was up during the break (that he was busted on live T.V.) and gave him an opportunity to correct his error later on...completely out of context after Blake Lewis performed!

Simon should follow his own advice: Be aware of the camera. Even in this picture, he looks like he's pointing and smiling at the Council blocking a childcare plan and not at his photo. Did the newspaper put his photo underneath the story to set him up? Maybe last night's eyeroll was a similar set up! Perhaps for all of his Sanjaya hate! The plot thickens...especially if Sanjaya gets voted off tonight!
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What do y'all think?