More Fodder For The Conspriracy

People magazine adds another link to the Jordin Sparks conspiracy AKA Melinda Doolittle wuz jerked via Blake Lewis:

Many Idol watchers – including the judges – say that Lewis' fate was sealed by the final song, "This is My Now," an emotional ballad that clearly suited Sparks' powerful voice over beat-boxer Blake. Lewis agrees. "'This is My Now" is definitely not my style, a song I would never sing if I didn't have to," he says. "It fit [Jordin] like perfectly. And I honestly think they should have had two songs that were tailored to both of us, but I'm so happy with being second place."

Also, Lisa DeMoraes "pretty girl vs goofy guy" summation is granted greater credence from Blake as well:

"I love being goofy"

The American Idol Producers loved it too, Blake.

And as far as being a sell-out?

Asked which previous American Idol has a career that he would like to emulate, "None of them," says Lewis. "I want to set my own path."

Didn't I tell you he was a rebel? Rock on, Blake Lewis.

Shilpa Shetty: Closer To Justice

Fortunately, the BBC heard my plea to Free Shilpa Shetty.

If the BBC can apologize (sorry, it's British, so I'll try again)...

If the BBC can apologise for the horrid treatment of Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother, including referring to the actress as "Shilpa Poppadom"; another contestant saying that Shetty should "f*ck off" home; and a dispute over Shetty cooking a chicken, ending with housemates making abusive remarks about Indian eating habits, then surely the Indian Supreme Court should accept her motions in Geregate.

"Shilpa Poppadom" should not be confused with with Ultramagnetic MC's song Poppa Large...

Although referring to the svelte Indian Shetty as Poppa Large might make her believe that you're calling her a "fat black man".

That, in and of itself might not seem too bad, but it could set the stage for a legal trouble akin to what happened with Keira Knightley, who won a lawsuit against a newspaper who claimed she had an eating disdorder...and tried to blame her alleged anorexia for for the death of a 19 year old. I guess they don't know about TOFIs or how skinny beautiful women are persecuted. Just ask Cameron Diaz.

The Poppa Large confusion could raise another claim if it causes Shilpa to lose a suitor who beleives she's a dark, fat, black man instead of lightskinded...like the Indian guy who's arranged bride rebuffed him for being too dark.

The Indian Supreme Court needs to handle their country's color discrmination...after they help Shilpa first.

I mean, c'mon. She's been beaten, lonely, and abused! They gotta have their priorities straight, right?

It's Just A Mustache!

Page Six reports that Rosie O'Donnell's chief writer Janette Barber was escorted from her workplace at The View for drawing mustaches on Elizabeth Hasselbeck's photos. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter.

We shook our heads at the outrage over the Muhammad cartoons last year and now, on U.S. soil, we persecute the good ol' mustache trick?

What other freedoms are going to be trampled upon?

If an internationally known Brooklyn graffiti artist is facing 14 criminal counts for his art crimes, who knows what they'll do to Janette Barber for defacing the photos of right-wing, dim bulb sweetie Elizabeth Hasselbeck?

Rosie should start a defense fund for Barber, ASAP.

Ron Paul was right, the only way to curb this ignorance is to start assigning reading lists, although I'm not too sure which books I'd have the folks at ABC read to understand the chilling effect censoring a mustache pen will have on our future...

Jordin Sparks Idol Conspiracy EXPOSED!

For decades, codebreakers scoured newspapers to decipher vast international conspiracies. With the advent of the Internet, it is possible to deconstruct massive media conspiracies by surfing the web.

Case in point?

Jordin Sparks was picked, packaged, and presented as the American Idol months before we knew she existed.

Don't believe me? Follow me on a journey which will have your head spinning and heart pumping. You will understand that Howard Stern was correct: Jordin Sparks' victory is a mass manipulation on a conspiratorial level unmatched since Jethro Tull won the heavy metal Grammy over Metallica.

(First, check yesterday's story on Howard Stern's theory, if you haven't already.)

One would think Howard was batty. That is, until one visited Tabloid Baby's article on Newsgasm revealing photos showing Jordin with Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson three years ago, even though they pretended not to know her when she auditioned.


Throughout the season, Jordin's mantra was "I'm Just 17 years old!", which as Lisa De Moraes notes, was what 'the show's three judges reminded viewers at every possible moment in the four-month-long competition.'

It's a marketing ploy which paid off, as every story covering American Idol mentions Jordin's age, and how she's the youngest idol EVER!

The marketing was burrowed in our brains by her duet with Blake Lewis covering The Beatles' "I Saw Her Standing There" which starts out with "She was just 17, you know what I mean..."

Blake Lewis, forever the rebel, wanted to spite the competition once he discovered the conspiracy:

After the show, Lewis told reporters backstage that he had pegged Sparks as the next "American Idol" weeks ago. "I feel great," he said. "I was trying to wear a 'Vote For Jordin Sparks' T-shirt last night but they wouldn't let me."

Who are the 'they' who wouldn't let Blake support Jordin? And how could 'they' convince Blake to prove his allegiance to 'them'? Did 'they' get to him? This isn't any mere mortal we're talking about. It's Blake Frickin' Lewis, who will beatbox his Jamiroquai all over your non-311 loving hindpots!

Perhaps 'they' were the puppetmasters pulling the strings on other Idol contestants in a story covered by TMZ:

"A.I." castoffs Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato and Gina Glocksen are pretty clear as to who their pick to win "Idol" is... and it's not Blake Lewis. The three rejects have spent the last week asking all of their fans to vote for Jordin Sparks. The girls have posted bulletins non stop on each of their MySpace pages, urging readers to make Jordin the next "American Idol" winner.

Creepy enough for you?

There's even more...

A YouTuber believes that 'they' manipulated footage to boost Jordin's likelihood of winning and the video of Jordin's disappearing tears.

Evidence provided by Votefortheworst.com suggest the conspiracy of 'them' to increase Jordin's margin of victory was strengthened through the pro-life movement and Jordin's prominent anti-abortion stance, including appearing at anti-abortion rallies and having photos on her myspace account, courting the Christian Right.


What is the master plan?

There are three theories:

The first involves Capitalism:

'They' are American Idol producers who get money from exploiting Jordan Sparks. Jordin Sparks is young and cute. Tweens like her, and Tweens have more purchasing power than anyone else on the planet. And 'they' want to get Tweens money;

The second involves Politics:

'They' want to condition Americans to vote for Barak Obama as president, envisioned by Katherine Meizel:

I've been fantasizing about how the Season 6 lack-of-the-South upset might relate to the newly real potential of Barack Obama's presidential candidacy. Like our Top 2, he's not Southern; like Jordin, his family background is multiracial; and I think that if he were an American Idol contestant, he would probably wear sweater vests. Maybe the rise of Blake and Jordin is connected to the recent barometric shift in our political climate, away from the status quo and toward something, like Blake's beatboxing, more "contemporary." Or maybe it's just a singing competition after all.

(I have to note my continued befuddlement over the "beatboxing is contemporary" crap? Doug E. Fresh, the "original human beat box" (not to be confused with the Fat Boys Human Beat Box) performed "The Show" last night. Which was a hit...back in 1985!);

The third involves Religion:

'They' believe that America, no, the world, needs a Christian Idol after Bert, Cat Stevens, and Mickey Mouse converted to Islam.

And that Idol?

Jordin Sparks.

Whoever 'they' are, 'they' must be distraught since American Idol season finale ratings are down 19% from last year.

That's right, Taylor Hicks got higher ratings than Jordin.

'They' should have rigged the show to make the finals Sanjaya versus Melinda.

Oh, I fergot. According to Stern, that's what it would've been if 'they' didn't tinker with the results in the first place.

See what happens when you try to play God, 'they' who run American Idol?

Yes, Virginia, Melinda Doolittle WAS Jerked!

Howard Stern was right. American Idol is rigged.

Last week, after Melinda Doolittle, the best singer in American Idol, lost to a beatboxer, we're all supposed to believe that American Idol is about singing, not perceived entertainment value, looks, or anything else.

Really?

That's what the judges kept on saying last night, as if last week didn't happen.

Or, as if American Idol had blind auditions, like orchestras fighting sexism or Bam Bam Flintsone, with contestants singing behind a screen.

Fortunately, one critic, Lisa de Moraes, didn't let them off the hook:

"Once again the final night of "American Idol" competition pits a goofy, likable guy with a crowd-pleasing schtick and not so much of a voice against a pretty young woman with a big, gorgeous voice but not so much entertainment value. No, not Taylor Hicks vs. Kat McPhee. That was last year. No, not Bo Bice vs. Carrie Underwood. That was two years ago."

The formula of goofy guy vs pretty girl means higher ratings for American Idol. Since this is the third season in a row where the final showdown has that formula, we're supposed to believe it's coincidence?

That ain't no coincidence! It's a fix!

Remember what I posted a few days ago:

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

What was the refrain last night?

American Idol is just a singing competition.

It would be one thing if Melinda was the only person to lose against an inferior singer. But what about Sanjaya's dominance? What about LaKisha Jones losing out to Blake?

Doesn't mean a thing. American Idol is just about singing.

If Flavor Flav faced off against Brad Pitt in the finals of the "Sexiest Man Alive" competition, do you think we'd let the judges get away with the same crap they tried to pull last night, if a week earlier Flav beat Johnny Depp?

Check out what American Idol Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe said:

"I'm delighted. I think it's the uniqueness of Blake and the actual growth of Jordin. Melinda and LaKisha (Jones) started off as front-runners, and I think Jordin overtook them. From the show's point of view, having two girls in the final wouldn't have been as strong as a boy and a girl."

Before last night's episode, Simon noted in the same article that the contest tune is "going to be harder for Blake to sing. It's more of a ballad."

Then why didn't the Producers level the playing field and pick a song that would work for Blake AND Jordin?

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

Any notion that American Idol is just a singing competition should have been destroyed on April 21, 2004 when Jennifer Hudson, LaToya London and Fantasia were in the bottom three. A few weeks later, Jasmine Trias stayed and London was voted off. Karma allegedly rectified things when Fantasia won.

But what about last season? Would Taylor Hicks have won because he was a better singer than Elliot Yamin, Chris Daughtry, and Katherine McPhee?

Millions of people, week after week, 'voted' for Taylor Hicks. In the finals, Hicks received over 31.7 MILLION VOTES, but only 667,000 of those people bought his album? And don't tell me that his mama bought all the copies.

American Idol executive producer Nigel Lythgoe concedes that the voters' choice isn't always the consumer choice, as seen in Hicks' record sales next to Daughtry's.

I ask you, is 'voter's choice' responsible for Melinda losing or is it the fact that Blake would be easier competition for a contestant the producers think they can make more money from?

The story concluded with three sources telling Howard 100 News that Jordin Sparks has long been scheduled to be the winner of American Idol.

Where is the outrage?

Where is the concern?

Where is the support for Melinda Doolittle?

I forgot.

We're lazy.
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Do you believe that the fix is on? Or is the 'boy vs girl' competition for the third year in a row a natural occurrence?

Paris Hilton: The Next Jerry Falwell?

Through the magic of photojournalism, TMZ reveals what many have hoped for and others have feared: Paris Hilton has found religion.

Do you know what this means?

With Jerry Falwell's death, there's a void.

And Paris will fill it.

She was raised Catholic, but so was Martin Luther. And look what he did.

In fact, any deceased spiritual leader would trade places with Paris Hilton. In a heartbeat.

Don't believe me? Pick a dead spiritual leader and we'll conduct a seance right now and ask him/her/it "Would you switch places with Paris Hilton?".

But you won't conduct a seance, because you know that everyone wants to be like Paris. Lazy eye and all.

She didn't wait for incarceration to begin her work, she's studying now. She thought she'd have 45 days, but is only going to get 23. But don't worry, Paris will make due.

What are her religious plans?
Which denomination will she follow?
What does she have in store for us?

Who knows!

Just keep her away from Bert.

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What do you think is Paris Hilton's plan? Do you think she even read the Bible?

The Real Victim in the Galilea Montijo Scandal

For the past couple of weeks, there's been a scandal taking place on this here Internet involving a former reality show competitor, pornography, and the classic question of "is it or isn't it": Galilea Montijo.

Months ago, the subject of this query was Antonella Barba of American Idol fame. Antonella Barba was a contestant on American Idol with a voice so bad, even Paula Abdul bemoaned her success. Week after week, Antonella stayed on the show not because of her voice, but because she was hot. Antonella Barba was the first poster child for Votefortheworst.com over Sanjaya, since she had (ahem) less talent than Sanjaya. What made matters worse was a scandal involving Girls Gone Wildesque pictures of Antonella. The controversy was monumental because it was the first time most heterosexual men would call in to vote on American Idol numerous times to keep a contestant on air.

Their hope? If the photos surfacing were getting sluttier by the week, who knows WHAT would eventually pop up.

And pop up they did.

The only problem?

They weren't Antonella Barba.

Antonella took slutty photos, but the SUPER slutty picks were of someone who looked like her.

The controversy was so bad, even Simon gave her a supporting shout out on air. Whether Simon was one of the heterosexual males who was hoping for more was never confirmed.

Fast forward a few months later and enter Galilea Montijo.

A former winner of Big Brother Mexico, she went on to appear in a number of television shows. A sex tape popped up and the Internet went ABLAZE!


And it's still on fire.

Some people say the 'star' in the sex tape isn't Galilea Montijo.

Others say it isn't even a Mexican, but none other than Monique Fuentes, Colombian porn star:

What really bothers me about this, is the fact that people can't tell the difference between Mexicans and Colombians.

It's an outrage.

And it's the biggest scandal since Brucesploitation: The explosion of Bruce Lee impostors capitalizing on his image after his death to make a buck.

Brucesploitation was worse than Elvis impersonation, because I didn't waste $5 back in the day watching a phony Elvis in Enter The Game of Death, thinking it was a Bruce Lee movie and getting Bruce Le instead.


Or watching Return Of The Tiger with Bruce Li.


Hell, Elvis didn't ruin my hopes with Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave.

It was Bruce K.L. Lea.


Damn you, Bruce K.L. Lea, wherever you are! I was a just a kid and watched your crap movie instead of the Washington Redskins v. Dallas Cowboys football game! Of course, since I missed the game, the Redskins lost and, like every other kid, I thought that the Redskins would lose if I didn't watch them play.

I blamed myself. And it took me years to realize it wasn't my fault.

In wake of my little rant, let's not forget the real victims in scandals involving fakery:

The fans.

Out there, somewhere, there is a Galilea Montijo fanboy. Although there are plenty of other naked women in pornos he can ogle, he has his mind set on sweet Galilea.

And now?

His dreams are crushed.

And a little of us dies as well.

Oh, Adobe photoshop! Curses on your developers for playing your tawdry games!
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Where do you stand on celebrity fakes? And were you tricked by Brucesploitation? Which 'sploitation do you have some 'spaining to do?